Indian men (or women) represent over 600m people each. Which is why i limit this answer to the average urban Indian, between the ages 17 - 22.Why is it tough to date an Indian girl in general?Broadly, the answer lies inside these five categoriesJustified trust issues.Lack of independenceUrge to respect traditionsReligion (?)Crazy expectationsBut before we dive into a detailed analysis, here's the anatomy of your average Indian male.u200bYou can see that Indian men aren't quite different from their non-Indian counterparts. We love to eat, we love our sleep, yes sex is on our minds, but so is ambition. Sports comes in the middle too, forgot to add that. All of us grew up seeing movies full of love and romance and once we turn 15 upwards, we start looking for a member of the opposite sex to experience those lovely moments from the movies. What is our game plan? What we're show in these movies. Ill break down the average romantic Bollywood movie -Popular dashing guyWeird nerdy girlGirl hates guy, hates his very guts.Guy (who can have any chick) seems to fall for the above mentioned girlGuy does something stupid and horrible clicheGirl finds it cute (remember this girl hated the guy)She takes off her specs and turns 14.56757 times hotter.Random singing and dancing in Switzerland.Some guy tries to come in between them (could be anyone from a jealous lover to an international terrorist)Some more random singing and dancing, but this time in Egypt.Cool guy beats the other guy while defying every possible law conceived by physicists.Wins the girl's heart and they live happily ever after.So this is our frame of reference when it comes to asking them out. Yes we know this doesn't work in real life, but we have go no other material. Hollywood movies and shows prsome really novel ideas, but these don't work here because of the 5 points made initially (we'll get to those in a bit). Indian women, and i'm generalizing here, do not seem to want a boyfriend, at least until college. So typically if a guy has a girlfriend in school, he must've known how to work the system better than 98.86887% of his male colleagues. Once in college, a lot of girls want a boyfriend. You'd think shit is finally going our way, but no! We're shipped of to far flung engineering colleges, where spotting a quadcopter is more common than spotting a girl. The girls there get incredible amounts of male attention, though most of us get tired of competing with 200 other men for that one girl. We give up all thoughts of romance and wait for the day our parents get our kundlis matched, hopefully to an insanely hot girl.Now back to the original question, and keep in mind what the average Indian male is like. Lets expand those five points mentioned at the start (finally!).Trust Issues.Everyday we hear horrific stories of rape, molestation, eve teasing and sexual harassment. India, urban India specially, is not a safe place for women. Especially women without male company. It horrible our women cannot roam around alone after evening, but that is the case until extremely strict measures aren't taken. Women here automatically develop this bias against men. One needs to show them we're decent young men before they let down their barriers. This is justified, safety should always come first, but most Indian men aren't trained to handle such matters tactfully. It isn't out fault by the way, I totally blame society. We learn about relationships from our friends and from movies, we learn about sex from our friends and from porn, we learn about women from the many failed attempts at wooing women and from our friends. In a nutshell, our friends are about as clueless as we are, plus they're evil sonsofbitches. So when it comes to handling tricky situations with women, we generally have absolutely no idea what to do. We turn to our other female friends in such situations.Indian women however, need to know a guy won't abuse them before getting into a relationship, before even dating them casually. Convincing them of our pure (not so much) intentions takes time and patience. We see Hollywood movies and think one-night stands are possible here too. When in fact,its more like a six-month stand here. Developing trust is the deciding factor in Indian relationships. India men are labelled as creeps, so to date a girl, you have to first prove to her you're not one of them. This mentality drives a lot of guys against dating, myself included. If you start with the idea i'm a potential rapist, and its my responsibility to prove otherwise, well then fuck you ma'am. I mean i know its hard to trust a someone without knowing much about them, but this is how one meets new people.Women need to stop believing all men are rapists. Be prudent, be practical, but don't be stupid about it. May be on a first date go to a mutually decided location. Inform a couple of friends where you're going and set a personal curfew. Give the guy a chance! And men need to learn to be patient and understanding. Our reputation is not the best and its upon us to show those women we can be just as amazing as those guys from the movies.Lack of Independence.Indians generally live with huge joint families, if not, then certainly with their parents until marriage. Most of them even post marriage. Young men and women our age need freedom, something which is an unheard concept here. Parents want to dictate their children's lives, because they feel we'll mess everything up if given even the tiniest bit of freedom. When you're living with your parents, you've got to live by their rules. Circumventing the three hundred thousand laws laid down by them and finding loopholes to date is hard if not impossible. One needs freedom to express themselves. We have to go to college, then find time to date and report back home at a decent hour. If a guy is dating, the whole family wants to know about the girl, which becomes tiresome after a point. If a girl is dating, the family automatically pegs the guy down as a creep waiting to take advantage of their lil princess. Indians are pathetic when it comes to demanding their freedom and living life according to their own principles. I have friends who actually hide the fact that they eat meat. This is how beaten and terrified we are of our elders. Men are still given a modicum of independence, parents fear the worst when letting their daughters go out. Of course, the fear is justified, but unless you give an individual freedom and space to express their own vies, they'll never discover themselves. They'll grow up into what society wants them to be, not what they want to be. Many girls don't date simply because they know their parents would not allow it. We're hardly given any choice regarding our lives.Respecting TraditionsIts against societal norms for humans of opposite sexes to fraternize. Men and women are supposed to only be together post marriage. dating is considered impure and something respectable young adults should avoid. We as a community love to judge people, especially when it comes to such matters.You have no idea the amount of societal pressure people in relationships have to endure. These aren't blatant orders to stop dating (well usually they aren't), these are suggestions on how to live life. They'll give us lectures on what society deems a person our age should be doing/ These elders are pros, us but amateurs. They know how to wear us down, they did so with out elder brothers and sisters. Your conscious mind perceives their suggestions as helpful, but beneath those sickeningly sweet layers of aid are strict laws and rules you must follow. These rules get embedded into our subconscious. Without realizing we start becoming more and more against the concept of dating. Evil i tell you, pure evil. Sex is something we never talk about, yet always imply. We're trained not to have sex before marriage, but never actually told in these words. I don't get why sex is such a taboo topic here considering this is the land of the Kamasutra. Casual sex does not exist in India. Even if people date, theirs dates have to be vetted out by every single elder in the family. I mean you've go to like the person (obviously), your parents have to like her, your aunts and uncles too, your grandparents and elder siblings. Its hard to find someone so bloody likeable! Religion.Most parents disapprove of partners of other religions. I don't get why, apparently if you do not believe in our gods, you're not fit to date our daughter/son. If the two individuals involved are cool with it, why do the parents have to make an issue out of it? Its not just the parents, the whole family and neighborhood who together disapprove. Sometimes quite bluntly. Indians lack boundaries. We get involved in everyone's business, whether we're required or not. I mean why does the neighbor care whom i date, but they do, oh but they do! I don't see how me dating outside my caste or religions makes any difference, its not like we go to bloody temples on our dates.Crazy ExpectationsMost of us see Hollywood movies and believe what's shown is possible in India. We know its unlikely, but there's always a hope. I mean its nice not to lose hope, but get real, threesomes and one night stands aren't happening here. Even if they are, find a girlfriend first you dreamy lump! This goes both ways. Stop expecting all guys to be Hugh Grant. Romance for us is buying you guys flowers. At least drop hints, not cryptic hints, clear hints as to what you want from us. I mean we hardly know what you expect out of a relationship besides the usual. You know what we want, but we're at a disadvantage here. Help us out here and there.Given the chance some of us might surprise you. If you think we'll be like what are around our friends, you're completely wrong. Most guys are weird horny creeps around their friends but incredibly caring and romantic fools in relationships. If you don't give us the chance, you'll never discover this awesome side of ours. You'll always perceive Indian men to be a breed of class perverts until you actually date one.In conclusion, men need to up their game, we have to learn to lower our expectations and work towards gaining your trust. Women on the other hand need to lower their shields and deal with their trust issues. Its not right us always proving our innocence. Please stop thinking of us as creeps and potential rapists. Be vigilant, but don't go overboard. Don't expect us to ask you out then charge us for sexual harassment. Not every guy interested in you is a creep. How do you expect to find someone if you aren't willing to meet anyone? Break the shackles society has so carefully bound you with and live your own life. If you don't date because of what other might think, if you let others dictate your ways, you'll never enjoy this wonderful journey called life. The next time some guy shows interest in you, and you too like the guy back, give that poor soul a chance. Stop basing relationships on the horror stories you hear, relationships are bloody awesome. And dating is the way to get into relationships. You always have the option of breaking up!
